Coming in May 2011

We are so excited to share that we are expecting and due in May! The due date is May 29th so I am just over 10 weeks. It is crazy how I really don't remember details from my pregnancy with Drew, but I feel like I have been more sick with this baby. The last few days my stomach has felt better, but I still don't have much energy! Of course that could be because I am chasing a 2 year old around now. :) That's right, a 2 year old. We are oh' so close to his birthday and I am a bit sad. He is such a little boy these days. My baby is gone. This picture makes me laugh in light of this post. It is like he is saying, Momma, what did you say??????

I can't write this post without also telling you that while we are beyond excited, we have been on somewhat of a roller coaster since finding out we were pregnant in September. I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for October 7th but had some spotting the weekend before so we saw the doctor on October 4th. They did the normal first appointment sonogram. The tech quickly found a heartbeat and said that while it was a little slow that is normal for the stage I was at. We were both so relieved and I felt like I was finally taking a breath for the first time since the ultrasound started. The tech then said, "It looks like there is something else here." She found another heartbeat. I think I Hal stopped breathing at this point. :) She told us that this baby was a little smaller and the heart rate was slower also. She printed pictures for us and then we waited to see the doctor. The doctor said that the smaller sac around Baby B could be an ominous sign or it could be fine. She wanted to bring us back in a week for another ultrasound. We left the office excited, scared, shocked, and thrilled all at the same time. We shared the news with family and a few close friends and asked them to pray. It was a great week of excitement around our house! My grandmother that passed away this summer was a twin and for as long as I can remember had made comments about Lindsay having twins and having to stick around until Lindsay had the twins. It was special for me to be carrying twins for that reason plus so many others. We went back for the 2nd appointment on October 12th. At this ultrasound, the tech was only able to find 1 heartbeat. Baby A looked strong and healthy, but Baby B had not grown much and did not have a heartbeat. We saw the doctor who assured us that Baby A looked ok and that my body would take care of Baby B. We left the office that day not sure of how we felt at all. Such extreme joy that I was carrying a healthy baby but such sadness that we had lost Baby B. The next few days were much of the same. Just not sure what to feel. Thursday I went to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) where we were studying Isaiah 6. In this passage Isaiah has the vision of the LORD and he is face to face with God's Holiness. In the opening we sang two songs, Holy Holy Holy and Immortal, Invisible. I couldn't hold back the tears as I sang those songs. A few versed in particular of Immortal, Invisible seemed to just heal my soul.

Immortal, invisible, God only wise,
In light inaccessible hid from our eyes,
Most blessèd, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,
Almighty, victorious, Thy great Name we praise.

Unresting, unhasting, and silent as light,

Nor wanting, nor wasting, Thou rulest in might;
Thy justice, like mountains, high soaring above
Thy clouds, which are fountains of goodness and love.

To all, life Thou givest, to both great and small;
In all life Thou livest, the true life of all;
We blossom and flourish as leaves on the tree,
And wither and perish—but naught changeth Thee.

Great Father of glory, pure Father of light,
Thine angels adore Thee, all veiling their sight;
All laud we would render; O help us to see
’Tis only the splendor of light hideth Thee,

It was one of those moments where I knew that if I claim to have a relationship with Jesus and I believe that God is Holy, the Sovereign Creator, then I had to bow and trust Him fully. There have been days since that I have been sad and I am sure that as the pregnancy progresses I will feel sad again, but I don't think God minds the sadness as long as our perspective is right.

The doctor brought us in the next week for a 3rd ultrasound. We were able to see that Baby B still did not have a heart beat and had not grown. We were also able to see that Baby A had grown on schedule and that the heart beat was perfect. I think I needed to see both of those things to truly move on.

We are so excited and looking forward to our next appointment in November and the big ultrasound in December to find out if it is a boy or girl!

I know this is the longest post ever, but I also need to say that Hal has been absolutely amazing through all of this. Work has been crazy for him lately, but he was with me at every appointment and has handled my crazy emotions. He has lovingly spoken truth and been a rock and a constant reminder to me that God is in control.